A Personal Journey from Shame to Honor

LONG AGO, when God first showed me the “Deeper” of my orphan-mindedness, he began leading me on a journey of getting to know the Triune as the “first” of my family. Each “higher” that followed revealed to my orphan-mind what it meant to have a Father in heaven, a Firstborn Brother as Savior and Lord, and a Helper in the Holy Spirit who would be Jesus with me always. 

HOWEVER, in one memorable Deeper I discovered that, of the three persons of the Triune, it was Jesus who triggered the most negative-emotion reaction in me. I realized that I had a “fear-based identity”, and the fear reactions seemed to come from a stronghold of shame that was free to do whatever it wanted in my life. I also learned that the shame felt strongest when I pictured Jesus looking at me. 

THIS MORNING, I was traveling through a deeper layer of the familiar orphan-minded territory. I was facing how my life has been affected by the reviling and harsh criticism Jesus is talking about in his Beatitudes. And God totally surprised me with one word of his word: “HE”. 

I HAD BEEN praying through the first chapter of John’s gospel in a surprising journey of statements I was affirming as true in themselves, but also very real to me personally. I acknowledged that Jesus was the true light who came into the world, that he was the Creator who made all things, that the world did not know him and his own people did not receive him, but that there was this glorious contrast in God’s gift of grace to those who did receive him, and who did believe in his name. 

AND THEN it hit me: “HE gave the right to become children of God”, and that “HE” is talking about JESUS!!! 

WHEN I REPLAYED my life, starting with my first awareness of God at age seven, and knowing that I had been one of those in the world who did not know him or receive him, God was adding Jesus to the picture in a way I had never seen him before. What I have always thought of as “God” letting me know he was watching over me even from an early age now had this distinctive addition, that it was JESUS who was giving me “the right” to become a child of God! 

THE POINT is not that I have been a dufus all these years and had never noticed the left-brain-obvious. 

RATHER, the point is that today was the day God chose to expose a “deeper” of woundedness infected with shame that needs to be healed for me to rejoice in the persecutions of the past, present, and future. His love, grace, and mercy chose this for today because it was the only way I would notice the “higher” of “HE” (Jesus) gave me the right to become a child of GOD! 

WHICH MEANS THAT, in the most real and personal of ways, Jesus Christ my Lord was granting to me, a seven-year-old boy, the divinely-given right to become a child of God right then and there (1965). And, because Jesus did this, personally giving me the right to become a child of God, I was “born, not of blood (my human lineage) nor of the will of the flesh (me trying to be born) nor of the will of man (my parents wanting to have children), but of God (by God foreknowing me, and predestining me to the adoption of sonship, and calling me to himself by the gospel, and justifying me by grace through faith, and glorifying me in his presence when I will be just like Jesus when I see him as he is).” 

AT PRAYER MEETING last night we were just talking about how, when we pray about things, we do not decide what to look for that will match our expectation of how God will answer our prayers. Instead, we pour out our hearts to God like children, and then watch what happens in the coming days to see how God is working everything together for good in our lives. We know that whatever he does next will come from his thoughts and ways that are so much higher than our own that we can’t possibly imagine we can tell him how to answer our prayers! 

WHICH MEANS THAT, noticing the beautiful pronoun “HE” is like a one-word answer to my prayers from last night. It serves as the first domino falling into every truth and reality about Jesus Christ my Lord that God wants to be far more real and personal to me than ever before. 

AND, it is knowing Jesus Christ as the Savior who personally granted me the right to believe in him, and to receive him, and to become a child of God by grace through faith, that shines in direct contradiction of all the shameful things this orphan-minded child has ever felt, and all the fear-based-identity reactions that have hindered my walk with God, so I could feel the attachment to my Savior that he was not merely doing what his Father told him to do, but he was doing for me what his own love delighted to do! 

AND SO, I “consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that I may not grow weary or fainthearted” in the hostilities that have come against me because of knowing him. HE granted me the gift of the new-birth into the adoption of sonship. And HE is worthy to be worshiped by me rejoicing in the reviling and harsh criticism that is now a badge of honor instead of a bruise of shame. 

I HAVE heard what God is speaking to me about this morning. I can see what he is doing in me to prepare me for things he is doing around me. And I am joining him in his work by praising Jesus for personally granting me the right to become a child of God by grace through faith, and by practicing joy in response to any form of persecution that may come today, and in every memory of harsh criticism and reviling that plucks at the heart-strings. 

AND I HOPE that facing these things in my walk with God this morning is as helpful to you as it has been to me!

 

© 2023 Monte Vigh ~ Box 517, Merritt, BC, V1K 1B8

Email: in2freedom@gmail.com

Unless otherwise noted, Scriptures are from the English Standard Version (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.)