The following is a response to a video message on the topic
of forgiveness that drew my concern because of the teaching that God wants us
to forgive everyone of everything all the time.[1]
The belief is that this kind of all-encompassing forgiveness is the only way we
can avoid bitterness. And, since God clearly commands us to, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and
clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice”,[2]
people conclude that forgiving unrepentant people must be required by God as
the only means of doing his will.
I listened to the message because it came up as part of a
discussion in which I had already shared how God never tells us to forgive
unrepentant people, but does give us freedom from bitterness by a different
means, which is our personal faith in God’s sovereign goodness.
This is a serious matter for me partly because so many
preachers assume forgiveness where God has not stated it, and because teaching
traumatized people that the only means of being free of bitterness is to
forgive unrepentant abusers is adding trauma to trauma. The real liberation
from bitterness, including the healing of the trauma, comes by knowing God as
sovereign and good. When we know him like that, we can find the healing and
freedom we long for even if no one ever comes to us in repentance.
The rest of this is what I had tried to post in response to
the video but could not do so because of the length of my response. However,
for those who have been hurt by the unbiblical demand to forgive unrepentant
people, and yet truly want freedom from the bitterness their wounds have
caused, here is encouragement to take a closer look at what God’s word really
does say (rather than what is added), and see how your freedom is within reach
because it is all about what you do in relationship with your heavenly Father,
not what you do in relationship to anyone who has wronged you.[3]
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Because this is such an important issue, whether the Bible
teaches us to forgive everyone of everything all the time, or to forgive those
who repent and trust God’s sovereign goodness for the rest, and because the
video is by a prominent pastor who makes it sound like the Bible clearly
teaches forgiving everyone of everything all the time, here are some points of
clarification that I make very cautiously. I do not make these as though I
would challenge a respected pastor about anything at all, but only because this
issue of forgiveness is consistently presented by many preachers with
unbiblical and unwarranted interpretations that hide the better thing God’s
word teaches. These “beyond what is
written”[4]
interpretations make it sound like the Bible says something it does not, putting
many wounded brothers and sisters into unnecessary difficulty by suggesting
only two choices when there are really three.
1. Nowhere in Genesis
45, or the rest of the Bible, does it say that Joseph was expressing
forgiveness to his brothers in this encounter. Whether or not he did, that is
never stated, so it is unfair to say that this is an expression of forgiveness
when the Bible never once says so. I’m not saying Joseph didn’t forgive his
brothers, again, because it isn’t stated. I’m only saying that making the issue
of Genesis 45 about forgiveness when it is never stated that way in the Bible is
an unfair addition that makes it appear that those who disagree that this is
about forgiveness are against forgiveness itself. No, we’re only against using
such texts as this to teach on forgiveness when that isn’t ever stated as the
topic. There is something better here than making this about forgiveness.
Sadly, by setting up the dominoes so the audience is
convinced the first one is about forgiveness gives the appearance that all the
dominoes fall down on the side of forgiving everyone of everything all the
time. Once we see that forgiveness is not even mentioned in the text, or in any
Scriptural references to this time and event, we can step back and ask
ourselves what it is Joseph was really doing, and what example does that set
for us today in light of what else we are taught about dealing with the harmful
things people have done to us.
2. The real issue of
Genesis 45 is Joseph’s belief in God’s sovereign goodness. What Joseph did
state, which we can all agree on, is that his brothers were not to “be distressed or angry with yourselves
because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.”[5]
Without calling this forgiveness (never stated), we should be able to agree
that Joseph’s declaration to his brothers was that he knew that the harm they
had perpetrated against him was used by God to send him ahead of them on a
life-saving mission. That Joseph could do this is nothing short of merciful,
but it is still an issue of what he believed about God and his sovereign
goodness.
I just want to make clear that Joseph was not consoling his
brothers by telling them he forgave them. He was consoling them by directing
their hearts to the same understanding of God’s sovereign and gracious goodness
that he had learned himself somewhere along the way (we are never told when
Joseph learned this lesson). If it was they who had sent him there, Joseph was
in a position to carry out justice against their crime. If it was God who sent
him there, and it was for the purpose of, “to
preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors,”[6]
the thing that had already consoled Joseph, and was now to console his brothers
(in view of their sudden discovery that their brother had the very authority
over them he had once spoken of in relation to his dreams), was that God had a
much greater intention in good than everything that had planned against him.
Since these are the stated words of Scripture, that this was
about Joseph telling his brothers that it was God who sent him to Egypt, not
them in their wrong-doing, the lesson we must give to ourselves has to be the
same. When we are dealing with harm done to us by others, the thing we must
learn is that God has purposes in his sovereign goodness that far exceed
whatever harm anyone inflicts against us, and we will find our freedom when we
get to know our Father in his sovereign goodness over every harmful thing
we have ever experienced. When we know him in this way, we will have freedom to
love our enemies, pray for our abusers, bless our persecutors, and return good
for whatever evils are done against us, even while leaving forgiveness in God’s
hands as he determines whether that is going to be part of the picture.
3. It is in chapter
50 of Genesis that we come to the wonderful and gracious and merciful and
liberating expression of Joseph that, “As
for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it
about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”[7] This
is very important for the simple reason that this is not in chapter 45!
Something else was happening at this time, and so we must receive this in
context.
Joseph’s point was that what his brothers intended for harm,
God intended for good, for the saving of many people. This is clearly what gave
him his freedom, the belief that God worked all things together for good. It is
also a reiteration of what he had told them at the very beginning (chapter 45),
but was now required again because of a significant change of circumstances. It
is my contention that it is this belief in the sovereign goodness of God that
is the issue, believing that God takes what people intend for harm and turns
them all into things that are for our good. Since those are the words Joseph
spoke, and Paul expressed as a universal truth in Romans 8:28-30, we can tell
all Christians that we will be liberated from the bitterness of all the harmful
things people have done to us when we are able to relate to God our Father as
taking whatever people intended for harm and turning it for good. As we look
for that good instead of carrying the grudge we will find freedom in Christ.
Now, since this declaration is in Genesis 50 instead of 45,
what has changed in both the circumstances and the context to lead Joseph to
declare himself so succinctly? After the interaction of chapter 45, enough time
has passed that Joseph’s brothers had gone to bring their father and household
to Egypt, specifically to the land of Goshen. More time had passed for them all
to settle into their new home under the blessing and provision of Pharaoh.
Jacob’s age caught up with him, he knew it was his time to die, so he blessed
his sons and prepared for his death. After his death, and after the couple of
months of time passed for embalming and mourning, and the journey to bury Jacob
in the same cave as his ancestors, we now come to how Joseph’s brothers felt
about Dad being out of the way and Joseph Prime Minister of their land.
The significant thing to what prepares the way for Joseph’s
expression of mercy, and his reminder that he believed in God’s sovereign
goodness in what had happened to him, was the brothers sending a letter in
which they plead for Joseph to forgive them their transgression and their sin.
This is so important that we add this to the context. Even if we think this was
Joseph forgiving his brothers, for that certainly is the sense of what takes
place here, we are dealing with men who are pleading for forgiveness. There is
no doubt that, if this is Joseph forgiving his brothers, he is forgiving
brothers who are in a state of repentance, confessing that they had sinned, and
done evil, and transgressed. In other words, Joseph said what he said because
his brothers did what they did.
So, when Joseph declares what he did, that the evil they
meant for his harm God intended it for good, it reiterates what he had said
quite some time earlier, that his view of everything was what God meant for the
situation, not what they meant for it.
From this I would say that, chapter 45 shows Joseph’s
relationship with God (not just his doctrine). He related to God as his Lord
and King who worked all things together for good, specifically the saving of
many people through the terrible famine, including his own family. This was
something necessary since the Messiah promised in Genesis 3 had to necessarily
come through Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, so one of Jacob’s sons (we now know was
referring to Judah) had to be kept alive through the famine in order for the
lineage to stay alive. The example to us is that we also view all our
life-experiences, including the harm people inflict on us, as fully woven into
the sovereign goodness of God in which he now has an even greater life-saving
work going on than what we saw during that seven years of famine. When we can
believe that the harm done to us could become a testimony that would be used by
God to save people out of the domain of darkness and transfer them into the
kingdom of God’s beloved Son,[8] we
will then be able to rejoice in the sufferings we endure rather than live in
constant bitterness and grief that life has been so hard on us.[9]
We can also see how chapter 50 shows us men who were overcome
with the circumstances they were then facing, that the father of the family was
gone and fears of repercussions from little brother were rising in their
hearts, and the one they had abused and mistreated was now comforting them and
speaking kindly to them.[10]
The lesson for us is that, for us to do the same, sometimes seen in loving our
enemies, or blessing our persecutors, or doing good to those who wrong us, we
must have this all-encompassing knowledge of God that he is always working our
life-experiences for good. It is this faith in God’s sovereign goodness that
gives us freedom, including the freedom to forgive when required to do so.
4. It is false to
state that it is a myth that we can wait to forgive people until they repent
since the Bible clearly shows God waiting for repentance in order for him to
forgive, and teaching the church the same. While we can get stuck in an
“always” or “never” focus that may be too difficult to prove either way, there
are clear indications that God’s response to unrepentant people is not to
forgive them, and his teaching to the church in relation to unrepentant people
is also never met by a call to forgiveness, but with other things that we must
do for our freedom. If we do the things that are taught, we will find freedom
in Christ even while never forgiving someone who is living in unrepentant sin
towards us.
In Matthew 18, when Jesus addresses the specific issue of
what to do if a brother has sinned against us and does not repent, he never
once says that we are to forgive the person. In each case that there is no
repentance, Jesus describes the next level of confronting the sin, all the way
to treating the person as an outsider.[11] When
people who know that fellow believers are continuing in their sin, and are
protected by other churches that will not address the wrong-doing, the biblical
answer for our freedom is not that we suddenly just give in and forgive them
because we don’t want to be bitter against the injustice. Rather, we hide our
hearts in the love of God and seek to know his goodness in what we are going
through so that we have the same peace and rest as Joseph. As we look and pray
for how God is going to work even such injustices for good, we will find
freedom in God’s sovereign goodness even though we are not choosing between
bitterness and forgiveness. Faith in God’s sovereign goodness is what gives the
freedom we need in such cases.
When Paul confronted the sinful man of I Corinthians 5, he
never once told the church to just forgive him.[12]
Instead, he called for church discipline. In fact, he was offended that they
would treat the man as if he was forgiven instead of holding him accountable
for his sin. In his second letter, when the man showed godly sorrow over what
he had done, the church was then taught to fully welcome him back into the
fellowship of the church.[13]
When Peter told about handling unjust suffering,[14]
he again never mentioned forgiving the people causing the suffering, but
stated, “Therefore let those who suffer
according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing
good.”[15]
This is the way we find our freedom even when suffering unjustly. We entrust
our souls to God as our faithful Creator, and continue doing good, even to
those who are doing us harm. These are wonderful things we can do even when it
would be wrong to declare someone’s forgiveness because they are still walking
in their sin.
5. It is wrong to
take Jesus’ words, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,”[16]
as proof that Jesus forgave unrepentant people since Jesus did not say he
forgave them (read it again if you need to). Instead, Jesus taught us to pray
for people who wronged us,[17]
and that is what he was doing. His words are not a declaration of forgiveness,
but a prayer for his enemies. When we come to the place of trusting Jesus with
what people have done to us, even to the point of praying that he would forgive
them, we can have peace because we know that we are trusting Father with the
situation, and God will only answer that prayer in ways that line up with his
perfect justice, mercy, and faithfulness.
6. It is false to say
that our only choices are bitterness or forgiveness. Again, since the Bible
never once tells us to forgive unrepentant people, and it also tells us to put
off all bitterness, rage, and anger, its solution to bitterness in every
instance is faith in God’s sovereign goodness. This is why Paul writes, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave
it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,
says the Lord.’”[18] When
believers feel there is something that needs to be avenged, Paul did not tell
them to forgive, but to “leave it to the
wrath of God”.
This is the real problem, not that we won’t forgive, but
that we have not trusted God enough to leave it to his wrath to decide what
happens. It is not because we can’t forgive that we keep harboring vengeance
and judgement and grudges, but because we don’t trust that God will carry out
his vengeance however he sees fit. Again, since this goes back to Joseph’s
example, we leave things to the wrath of God because we know that he takes
everything that happens to us and works it for good. When seeing God glorified
in doing good is greater than our fleshly desire to get immediate justice
according to our limited view of our situations we will know that we will
always have what we desire since God always works all things together for good.
7. The real issue
with our bitterness towards people who have harmed us is not that we haven’t
forgiven them, but that we haven’t trusted God to work all things in our lives
together for good. It is not what we are holding against wrongful people that
is our bondage, but what we are holding against God. As soon as our justice-issues
with God are settled, and we can trust him to take every instance of harm and
turn it for good (the thing Joseph really did say), we will find our hearts
experiencing rest because someone greater than ourselves is handling the
situation and we are now free to love our enemies, pray for our abusers, bless
our persecutors, return evil with good, even asking God to please forgive the
people who have wronged us. It is trusting God to do what is right while we
entrust ourselves to him and continue to do good that gives us freedom from
carrying grudges that are based solely on the thoughts of the flesh and nothing
on the mind of the Spirit.
How do we apply this to discipling people who struggle with
bitterness over the harmful things that have happened to them? We direct their
attention to prayerful interaction with God in his word focusing on the
transforming faith that knows God is taking those hurtful and harmful
circumstances and working them for good. As we unite in our congregations to
help people get to know God like this, helping them hear God’s word on the
matter and pray through whatever wounds need healing, their coming to know God
in his sovereign goodness will free them from the old wounds so they can share
their testimony of healing with others, perhaps even including some who did
them harm.
© 2017 Monte Vigh ~ Box 517,
Merritt, BC, V1K 1B8 ~ in2freedom@gmail.com
Unless otherwise noted,
Scriptures are from the English Standard Version (The Holy Bible, English
Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good
News Publishers.)
[2]
Ephesians 4:31
[3]
I just want to note that this is specifically addressing the false notion that
we are to forgive unrepentant people. Everything the Bible teaches about
forgiveness towards repentant people must be carried out even when our wounds
would still cry against it. I am not endorsing the idea that we can hold off
forgiving a repentant person until our wounds no longer hurt us. We may need a
miraculous dose of God’s grace to obey him in faith (I think all grace is
miraculous, by the way), but my contention that the Bible nowhere tells us to
forgive unrepentant people is partnered with my belief that we must always
forgive repentant people as taught in God’s word.
[4]
I Corinthians 4:6
[5]
Genesis 45:5
[6]
Genesis 45:7
[7]
Genesis 50:20
[8]
Colossians 1:13-14
[9]
Romans 5:1-5
[10]
Genesis 50:21
[11]
Matthew 18:15-20
[12]
I Corinthians 5:1-13
[13]
II Corinthians 2:1-11
[14]
I Peter 3:13-17; 4:12-19
[15]
I Peter 4:19
[16]
Luke 23:34
[17]
Matthew 5:44
[18]
Romans 12:19
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