My first understanding of a narcissist was as someone who was in love with themselves. It was only in the last few years that it was explained why, which is, a narcissist is unable to receive a healthy shame message. They can’t admit they are wrong when they are wrong because the shame of being wrong (as they see it in their own mind) is so reprehensible that they can’t ever let themselves feel such a crippling emotion. This, of course, results in them loving and taking care of themselves no matter who gets sacrificed along the way.
The Bible speaks of narcissists, but God has his own word for this condition that was in use long before Greek mythology presented the idea or modern psychology popularized the problem. God’s word for narcissism is “stiff-necked”. A stiff-necked person is someone who, when confronted with anything they have done wrong, cannot admit to it. Instead of bowing their head in a good and healthy response of shame for what they did, they stiffen their neck in absolute pride that they will never admit to doing anything wrong.
The sad thing is that I can replay virtually every church I have been in and tell you the head narcissist who ran the life of the church. And they did this primarily by making the rules of how everyone had to behave and treat them so that they were never the bad guy about anything. They also delighted in gathering intel on the weaknesses of as many of the members as possible because these weaknesses could then be exploited to keep these people supporting the narcissist out of self-protection rather than doing God’s will out of faith, hope, and love.
I bring this up because of where I am in my journey through the book of Nehemiah. Nehemiah was one of the fulfillments to a prophecy God gave his people a hundred or so years earlier, prior to the judgment of the exile. God promised, “‘And I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will feed you with knowledge and understanding.’”[1] Ezra and Nehemiah were two of those shepherds who overlapped in their work, Ezra focused on rebuilding the temple, and Nehemiah on rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem.
I am into chapter 9 of Nehemiah. The people have rebuilt the temple and the wall. They are organizing for reestablishing themselves as God’s people in the land, particularly once again centered on Jerusalem. They have begun coming together to hear the word of God read to them daily. And they are so aware that it was the unrepentant sins of their people that brought all the judgment of God upon them.
As I found them this morning once again gathering to hear the word of Yahweh, this is the way Nehemiah’s journal describes it:
Now on the twenty-fourth day of this month the people of Israel were assembled with fasting and in sackcloth, and with earth on their heads. And the Israelites separated themselves from all foreigners and stood and confessed their sins and the iniquities of their fathers.[2]
The following verses show how “they stood up in their place and read from the Book of the Law of the LORD their God for a quarter of the day; for another quarter of it they made confession and worshiped the LORD their God.”[3]
Following this is a detailed confession of the sins of the people over the generations of their history, including three expressions of “stiffened their neck” in response to God’s prophets. This included them acting “presumptuously”, they “refused to obey”, and they “were not mindful of the wonders that you performed among them”.[4]
Another way this narcissistic tendency is described in God’s word is when people “harden your hearts”. A hardened heart produces a stiffened neck. All of it is a refusal to hear what God says about our sin. And churches are destroyed by such prideful rebellion because the narcissists always aim to control the church to keep anyone from daring to suggest they are doing anything wrong.
Both these phrases come together in God’s rebuke of king Zedekiah. First, we read that, “He did what was evil in the sight of the LORD his God. He did not humble himself before Jeremiah the prophet, who spoke from the mouth of the LORD.” And then that, “He stiffened his neck and hardened his heart against turning to the LORD, the God of Israel.”[5]
The reason this is standing out so much for me today is that I have witnessed too many churches held back (usually completely controlled) by the chief narcissists. They will sacrifice anyone on the altar of their self-protection to maintain the appearance of always being right and never being wrong.
And in comes this glorious picture of God’s people returning to their homeland, coming every day to hear the word of the Law of God read to them, humbling themselves under the word of God to do what it says, and now clearing up with God any sins of every generation of their people. It was the unrepentant sin of their fathers that got them into the exile and captivity, and it would be repentance of sin that laid the foundation for their return.
The good news of the gospel began with these words from our Savior’s heart, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.”[6] Repentance and belief always go together. Repentance is usually pictured as the “turning away” from sin, and belief, or faith as the “turning to” Christ.
In fact, this is made abundantly clear in these words from the apostle Paul, “He has delivered us FROM the domain of darkness and transferred us TO the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”[7] We are delivered “from” our sinful lives and “transferred to” God’s kingdom. That happens as we join this work of God in repentance and faith.
In the seven letters to the churches in Revelation 2 and 3, Jesus is clear to point out the good he saw in some of the churches, but also to identify the things he held against them. Why? Because we are taught “to PUT OFF your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to PUT ON the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”[8] The “putting off” is repentance, and the “putting on” is faith. They are always together.
I know that not everyone in the church is a narcissist. However, we all have that narcissistic tendency to avoid shame by denying we have done something wrong. Many of us have deep hidden shame inside us that terrifies us of experiencing it again and that works against our obligation to always resolve our sin problems, not only with God, but also with anyone we hurt by our wrongdoing.
But it is the gospel we believe in that gives us the ability to face our sin. Why? Because in Jesus Christ it is forgiven. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”[9] Even our Old Testament brothers knew this, as the psalmist wrote, “If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.”[10] And, “For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.”[11]
The whole message of the Bible is about God the Creator who wanted a people in his own image and likeness upon whom he could show the glories of his love. The “for God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life”,[12] was written into the script of salvation before creation began. And it is that love that softens hearts and necks to humbly receive the word of God.
In our home church we promote the idea of “keeping short accounts with God”. It means that we are quick to repent of sin so that nothing has time to take root in our hearts so we “give no opportunity to the devil.”[13]
However, for those times when we realize that we have hardened our hearts against admitting our sins, or stiffened our necks when a sermon or a scripture was working to convict us, we may need to stop and get caught up on confessing our sins and receiving forgiveness. If we ask the Lord to show us all our unrepentant sins, he will do so in the most loving and gentle ways, and we simply need to confess them and receive forgiveness.
I often use this verse in my praying for others who are hurting the church with their unrepentant sins, and also in reminding me how I should view the times when God is being patient with me in my struggles. Paul warned, “Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”[14] His point is that, just because you don’t see any direct discipline on specific sin in your life, don’t show contempt for God’s patience by delaying your repentance. Instead, we are to view the kindness of God’s grace and patience as the means of leading us to repentance because he would much rather bring us home the easy way than the hard way of discipline.
Well, enough said. It is still true that “God opposes the
proud but gives grace to the humble.”[15]
So, “humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at
the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he
cares for you.”[16]
© 2024
Monte Vigh ~ Box 517, Merritt, BC, V1K 1B8
Email: in2freedom@gmail.com
Unless otherwise noted, Scriptures are from the
English Standard Version (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text
Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of
Good News Publishers.)
[1]
Jeremiah 3:15
[2]
Nehemiah 9:1-2
[3]
Nehemiah 9:3
[4]
Nehemiah 9:16,17,29
[5]
II Chronicles 36:12,13
[6]
Mark 1:15
[7]
Colossians 1:13-14
[8]
Ephesians 4:22-24
[9]
I John 1:9
[10]
Psalm 130:3-4
[11]
Psalm 86:5
[12]
John 3:16
[13]
Ephesians 4:27
[14]
Romans 2:4
[15]
James 4:6; I Peter 5:5
[16]
I Peter 5:6-7
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